The Journey

Today marks my last day at an agency that has fulfilled my professional goals more than any business ever could. In the past 2.5 years, I have seriously grown so much through partnerships, goodwill, understanding of quality service, providing for children, making a difference, and impacting the community. My time at Big Brothers Big Sisters is truly one I will never forget. The mission and purpose of my work there aligned so perfectly with my heart, that I feel blessed to have had that connection. Many, I understand, never get that fulfillment.

However, I begin my next journey. A path I never envisioned. A dream that I never dreamt. This afternoon, I will walk away from my office being a mom to three wonderful children, a wife to a very successful man and a free-spirited woman who can enjoy the joys of life. All without stress, pressure, or expectation. This journey is not outlined for me. There is no pathway. And there will not be any measurement except for happiness. As we move our family around the world, to Shanghai, China, I couldn't be more anxious to see what the next two years hold.

I must thank my amazing support. From those who encourage me professionally, to my family and my favorite girlfriends, I will remember you all, keep a special place for you in my heart and cherish all that you have taught me to be. Everyday I wear this bracelet, a gift from two of my best side-kicks, and it helps me to look forward to this journey ahead.

Thank you to every who continues to stand beside us and cheer us on. We wouldn't be able to take this leap of faith without your support.

Memories for Life

More than 37 years ago my mother took a job at a credit union. Little did she know that she would continue her journey there, raise two children while balancing her career, move from part-time teller to assistant Vice President, or one day retire from the same company.

In celebration of those accomplishments, she chose to take our family for a week in San Francisco. We rented a home, toured through Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, and wine country. We biked the Golden Gate, hiked 1000 feet in Muir Woods, and experienced Irish Coffee late at night. We rode the cable cars, hopped bars from Pier 1 to 39, and ate fresh seafood from the bay. Ultimately, we made memories.

We did exactly what mom set out for us to do, which was to build our bond between the six of us, celebrate our family, and have fun. Mom, we are all so appreciative for the opportunity provided... and we are so proud of you, the years you put in, and the family you built. Thank you for letting us celebrate with you. Happy retirement!

 

(If the above slideshow does not play, you can view the pictures at: https://plus.google.com/photos/106611094299510814437/albums/5945595196292003073?banner=pwa&gpsrc=pwrd1#photos/106611094299510814437/albums/5945595196292003073?banner=pwa&gpsrc=pwrd1)

It'll be a Journey!

While writing has been a safe zone for me, this is one entry that I couldn't hit "publish" until all was said and done. Yet, with my ever-changing feelings and whirl-wind of emotions, I wanted to be sure to capture my thoughts. 

The wait is over! Here's my "diary" from the last couple months.

Wednesday, August 21-

On May 3rd Jarin and I headed out to celebrate his graduation from the year-long Economic Alliance Leadership of the Five Seasons Program. It's a prestigious group, usually nominated and supported by community employers to build talented, engrained, and devoted Cedar Rapids citizens, with the idea that they are the future leaders of this community. Ironically, on the way there Jarin asks my perspective on an opportunity abroad. Would I consider? Hmmm, I hadn't really thought about it. Considering we spent the last several years either 2 or 4 hours away from home and felt it was too far, of course I hadn't thought about making a move that took a day to travel by plane. Plus, we are finally back in Cedar Rapids, with a home we love, a school we cherish, jobs that we admire. Yet, I looked at him with a spark of interest and asked for more information. I never did study abroad, but wished I had. Our kids are at the perfect age to adapt easily and pick up a new language. And, I secretly have been wanting to stay home. :)

Fast forward through an inquiry process where we learned our options would be Germany, the UK, or China; an application process that took much of our vacation time in June to ensure it was perfectly written, reviewed, and submitted; and even a full interview day in Chicago with national McGladrey leaders early in August.... And what do we have, but an offer to move our family for 3 years to Shanghai, China. They want an answer by Friday. 

Seriously... there is no way. I can't make that decision. I know nothing of China. And, did I mention my mom is in Vegas and therefore I can't go talk with her about this? (Reason #467 why it's probably not a good idea that I move to China.)

Thursday, August 22-

I barely slept last night, have a pounding headache today, and can't focus. Everyone I talk to (and actually share about our opportunity to China) has a great perspective. Many are extremely energetic about the idea, believe it's such a once in a lifetime opportunity, and very proud of Jarin. And let me be clear, I am proud of him too. To be recognized across the country as an individual they want to send internationally -- wow! With nearly 90 candidates, that is an honor.  

In just two days, we've talked to a lot of people. And, I see those perspectives. I get it. When else will my children learn a second language, appreciate others different than them, and experience true culture like this? To be completely supported by the firm, allowed to travel the world, getting two trips home per year to visit. This is truly an ideal situation. Still, to fathom the idea of submerging our family into a culture where language is a barrier, differences are obvious, accessing basic needs is challenging, and family is far away is .... well, scary.  

I have to understand that those who we are connecting with are top notch, highly-respected, family-oriented people who tell us: "don't to pass it up" or "do it in a heart beat" or "I wish I'd had that opportunity." We are asking opinions because we respect these people, they are our mentors.  

I truly feel that a trip there is the only way that I will know what to expect, and if I could do it.  

Wednesday, September 11-

Well, the itinerary is set and our visas have arrived. I can’t believe that we’ve agreed to explore the option of living in China. I’m still not sold on the idea, and not sure that I ever will be. But, I promised that I would go there with an open mind, and I can only do that by clearing my mind first. Until this point, it’s been filled with the pressure of planning. I’ve spent so many days arranging for the kids’ activities, ensuring that (the AMAZING) grandma’s know how and when to have the kids where, and doing my best not to disrupt their daily routines. Looking back, I wonder why we create so much chaos in our lives. Why must the kids each be enrolled in four activities a week; why are we so adamant on maintaining a strict schedule; why does it feel impossible, professionally, to walk away from the office for a week?

The reality is that Caden won’t fail at football if he misses a practice; Alayna won’t be any less athletic if she doesn’t get to running club by 8 a.m.; Paisley will let you know when she’s hungry; and it is okay for my work partners to receive an out of office message. It makes me wonder how much of this is the culture of our American society to receive immediate feedback, accomplish so much, and be described as All-American. Maybe the Chinese perspective would be good for us after all.

Friday, September 13-

I very much appreciate the guidance from so many. My boss offered to be a sounding board upon my return. Aunt Linda was praying that God guide us in the right way. Aunt Lori promised that a phenomenal family of support would be here for us no matter what. Jarin’s mom simply said, put the pressures behind. All the decisions will come later. For now we need to think of this as vacation for Jarin and I – a time to just get away and spend time together. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to use that advice until now that we are in flight. So to my mom for being patient, to my husband for understanding, to Trisha for keeping me grounded, and to my sister for listening…. Thank you for letting me freak out a little bit while we got this trip organized. 

Saturday, September 14-

Lessons learned while flying international:

·         Bring snacks. The food is less than ideal, and doesn’t align with the schedule that you are leaving behind.

·         Dress warm. Even when the forecast is high 80’s, the plane will feel like 40. The blankets provided on the plane are thin and useless. Even two of them layered barely relieve the goose bumps.

·         Travel pillows are a must. No matter what way you slice it, sleeping sitting up is a pain in the neck.

·         They serve beer. Free. My husband figured that one out early. Watch out flight attendant!

·         Don’t pay for the emergency exit row, just to get extra room. There is no window view. You are interrogated on multiple occasions whether you’d be willing to help if something happens. The beverage cart and all the chaos that comes with it are parked at your feet. And, you are in the way of the lavatory line for most of the flight.

·         Good luck pumping. I was told that I could use the lavatory for my duties, but after seeing the numerous people using (and not aiming in) that thing during the 14 hour flight… no thanks. I pumped in my seat. You’re welcome, Sir to my left.

 

Monday, September 16-

After our first full day out among the city life, I bring you Chinese Myths Busted….

·         People pee all over on the street. The only peeing in the street that I saw was from two children under the age of three. And as gross as it was, their little bums hanging out was kinda cute!

·         The weather is a lot like home. Not so much!!! It’s hot here, and this 90 degree fall day is cool compared to what it’s been.

·         The pollution is terrible. In the morning we could see forever along the horizon. Even walking among all the traffic, I didn’t feel it hard to breathe or smelly. Depending on the way in which the wind blew, there was some haze, but no different than what I would attribute to any large metropolitan.

·         Skinned dogs will be hanging along the street. And it's dirty. There were a few low-socioeconomic neighborhoods and districts that we walked through where goods and laundry hung out the window; however, overall the main thing I saw hanging along the street was beautiful flowers, trees, and foliage. The greenery is gorgeous here. And did I mention there are few birds or bugs?

·         Locals are rude. Not so much. They are very kind, and willing to accommodate your needs. They feel bad if they don’t understand the English language or are unable to help you.

·         The language barrier will be very tough. True, in part. There is a language barrier; however a smile, nod, handshake, or gesture all hold the same meaning across cultures.

Friday, September 20-

Well, it's been a busy week. And I must say it's pretty amazing here.

We spent a day with another expat from Rochester, New York who also planned to come to China for three years. (Although she's now been here for 13!) Alice showed us through the city, walked us through the markets, and assisted in tours of hospitals.

We spent another day visiting American schools throughout the city and definitely have a favorite that stands out to us. The access to technology and extra curriculars are amazing. It's obvious the kids will flourish. Up until this point I knew that the kids would attend school, make friends and become comfortable; I knew that Jarin would lead his career daily and go in with business as usual; but I worried about me. What would I do? Visiting the schools changed that perspective for me. I was so welcomed. Immediately the teachers and principals were engaging and interested in helping me get involved. I can honestly say, I'll be good.

We visited the fake markets, shopped with the locals and tourists, experienced the nightlife, ran through the city each day, braved the subways and toured homes. Let me tell you, one would have thought we were on HGTV's House Hunters International! It was an overwhelming experience. The housing we saw offered so many amenities. And the views of a city that holds 23 million people were incredible.

Aaaaahhhh! How do you say no to this?

Friday, October 4-

We signed!! ... And I submitted my resignation at one if the best places I've ever been employed. Oh my. I'm so overwhelmed! What does this mean? How will it play out? What are the logistics of moving a family of five around the world? I have so many questions. 

Everyone is so blown away when we share the news. Trust me, I can hardly believe that we'll soon be residing in China! 

Stay tuned to follow our journey. It will promise to be incredible.

She's here!

The baby comes and instead of believing that I'd have all the time under the sun to share our stories, I escaped. Escaped into a world of cuddles, feedings, stares, and love. I held my baby girl as much as I could during 12 weeks of maternal leave and didn't focus on my career, left the laundry for later, rarely cleaned the house, managed dinners on a whim, and stopped blogging.

So there is a lot to catch up on after 3 months! Let's start with the joy that God brought to us:

 

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Photo compliments of the 5 year old!

Miss Paisley Irene was born on March 21st at 6:38 p.m. A mere 53 minutes after I checked into the birthing unit. I'd worked that whole day, and about 3 o'clock in the afternoon I called Jarin to let him know that I may stop in to the hospital to see what was going on later that night. That laid-back, nonchalant-feeling rapidly became a fierce scurry around 5 p.m. He was still at the office and my parents came to watch the kids and transport me to the hospital. Dad drove in his usual pokey manner, explaining on the way that the city may tear down this or that church. (As if I cared.) I walked into the hospital with heels and dangles and literally gave birth in about the same attire. The doctor didn't arrive in time for the delivery and neither did the pain meds or IV. But daddy and the nurse welcomed her and she was perfect.




Just 1 hour later!

I admired her jet black hair with a bit of wave, and her dimples were toxic - especially the one on the right. Everyone else adored her lips, long fingers and toes, her colicky hairline, and sweet whimpers. As much as I wondered if I could ever love a third baby as much as my other two I was proven wrong. It was truly love at first sight. Weighing in at 7 lbs. 12 oz. she already had chubby cheeks and nursed like a champ.

During the hospital stay Paisley was already sleeping 4 hours through the night and the nurses suggested I wake her every 2 hours. As if!! I'm not a first time mom anymore, and won't be falling for that prank! Sure enough, it's proven successful. At 3 months she is sleeping about 8-10 hours each night, and gaining weight well.

Caden and Alayna have a true passion for their baby sister, and I must say that daddy has fallen for her too. Paisley sure has a special place in each of our hearts and it makes me wonder how we ever lived without her.

What I Wish I Could Say...

I've always loved being pregnant... until round three! This time, I’m 32 years young and clearly not exactly in my prime for carrying babies! Since 16 weeks, I’ve visited the OB on a weekly basis for 17 alpha-hydroxyprogesterone caproate injections in my hip. The painful shots and bruising has just been the beginning. When people inquire about how I feel, I typically don't share an honest response. (If I did, they may vomit in their mouth.) But, because I tend to divulge on the blog, here’s the reality of what I wish I could say….

While I feel her pushing against my lungs, intestines and bladder, I also feel so much pressure in my crotch that I think my vagina might explode. Pretty soon this little princess is going to be dangling an arm or leg out the bottom. My doctor has checked mef weekly and since 33 weeks I've been 70% effaced. To be straightforward, the doc has felt the baby since then, and I could swear that she might fall out with any forward-bending-motion of my torso. I’m in bed every night at 8:30. I can hardly stand to bend over. My hubs has helped me pull on my socks and my kids zip my boots in the morning. I’m out of breath just getting dressed, and really can’t even fathom having to exercise ever again in my life.

Those varicose veins that I’ve discussed over and over are taking over my crotch. Yep, nasty, huh? The doc refers to them as varicosities which sounds much nicer than “vulva veins”, but the bulging is painful and quite frankly, soooo ugly! (Not that a normal vagina is pretty.) There’s no solution for them, and I’ve tried everything from loose panties to Spanx. They tell me to keep my feet above my heart and rest as much as possible. Okay, yeah. Teach me how to work upside down and then continue taking care of two kids at home while my hubby stays ahead of  the accounting busy season.

And if you want real honesty about this whole thing, here it goes. At 32 weeks I started a dose of Zoloft because I cried every day, felt so stressed yet was unable to describe why I was an emotional-wreck, and I found myself yelling at the kids when they did something wrong or didn’t follow directions the first time. After a full-disclosure-break-down to my doctor, she put me on an anti-depressant to curb the feelings and assist in the fight again post-partum depression as that draws closer. I cried at the pharmacy as I picked up the prescription with my five-year-old in the cart, fearing the stigmatism of people staring at me as some crazy lady who couldn’t handle being a mom. The toughest part was coming home to tell my husband what the doctor prescribed. This was the first appointment that he was unable to attend, and until then, he didn’t even know what I’d been experiencing.

Since then, he’s been my rock. He has a relationship with my doctor that is strong and honest and she’s even encouraged him to call her with questions. We talk very openly about my feelings and the risk/safety factors of being on this drug. And while depression is nothing that I’ve experienced before, I have a huge amount of empathy for the many kids and adults affected with this disease on a daily basis. Since beginning the prescription, I’ve witnessed huge improvements: I haven’t cried since, I calmly talk to my kids when they need to be redirected, and I can open up to my husband again, which is the foundation of our relationship.

While none of this is comfortable to openly talk about, I keep telling everyone that things are good, that I feel fine, and that the baby is great. Thankfully, our baby is doing great! She has surpassed her milestones for gestation, reaching nearly 39 weeks now, and her heart rate is consistently strong. I know that she is getting stronger every day that she stays snuggled in my womb, and we feel so blessed.

With that said, we're still trying to name this little princess! Cast your vote on the right side of the blog and let us know your favorite -- or if you wish to suggest one, just leave a comment below.

Butterfly Kisses

Last year was the first experience Jarin had taking his little girl to the Junior League father-daughter dance, Butterfly Kisses. I remember him not knowing what he was about to get into taking his then-four-year-old little girl for dancing, crafts, photos, and more. But he prepped her right, surprised her with some "diamond" jewelry from Claire's, and put on his own spiffy suit to take her out for the afternoon.

This year, she went all out! She wanted her hair done, nails manicured, and was even touched with some eyeshadow and lipstick before adorning herself with a fancy dress and new bling, bling shoes. That's when she looked at me and asked if she could wear the jewelry that her daddy got her for her first father-daughter dance. Of course! I loved that she remembered exactly when and why she received that special gift from her daddy and that it was important that she wear it again this year.

Take a look at her getting ready for the event. She sure felt like a princess, and I can promise you that her daddy was thrilled to have her as his date.

As they were getting ready to leave, Cade looked at me and said, "Mom, do they ever have mother-brother dances?" Aw, how priceless that he ask! Instead, we had a special mother-son trip to Donutland for the biggest and best cinnamon roll in town.

Keeping Thing 1 and 2 Connected

A few weeks ago I visited our neighbors who just brought their second child into this world. As my kids were playing with their oldest, Grady, who’s four, we were talking about the toll that a new baby brings on to the other kids in the family. Jarin and I didn’t really experience that with Cade – he was only 19 months old when Alayna joined us. Therefore, his memories of family have always included a sister. Grady, on the other hand, is old enough to express her feelings, and truly embraced the sense of being left out. 

As we left their house I realized this was going to be Cade and Layna too. They are old enough to vocalize feelings and it was truly so important that, as parents, we find a way to ensure they felt included from the moment our baby girl arrives. I searched the internet, looked on Pinterest, walked the craft aisles at Target and Michael’s, and finally I ended up with the idea of Big Brother and Big Sister Kits.

I started with activities for them to do as they spend time in the hospital with us – crayons, activity books, games, snacks and puzzles. Then I added new shirts, as an element explaining their big, new role as Big Brother and Big Sister. Next, and most importantly, I connected the kits to the main purpose. With a new baby, hand sanitizer would set ground rules for clean hands before touching and personalized onsies, decorated with fabric markers, would be the perfect touch!

After finding some cheap baskets and adding some tulle, they were done. Wah-la! I can’t wait to see their excitement when they find their gifts sitting in the hospital room!

Cancer Sucks

You've seen the signs, right?

I HATE CANCER

Well, I can't agree more. For some reason, over the last few months, it is running rapid among my friends and family, and it feels like it's taking control of lives that shouldn't be affected.

Take my uncle for example. He's been a successful farmer for years, worked hard, paid his dues, married my wonderful aunt and continues to treat her as a queen, raised three beautiful kids who provided him a wealth of grandbabies, manages a sense of humor to make anyone's day. And yet, cancer has invaded his body. He's fought the fight, dealt with the headaches, completed bounds of treatment, and now the doctors tell him it's not helping.

Or what about our close family friend, who won a silent auction basket providing her a health exam that she probably wouldn't have considered doing otherwise. It led her into the surgical room with the likelihood that she had thyroid cancer. After the scare of who would mother her young girls at home, she was discharged with good news.

If one case of thyroid cancer isn't enough, I recently learned of another -- my cousin. She's younger than I, recently became a mother, and now scared that she may not be able to produce another baby. Her surgery was a full removal of the thyroid, and again successful. She's home relaxing now with her daughter - the best place to be.

Another uncle of mine is now experiencing multiple, consecutive days of chemotherapy each week to fight off the swelling tumors in his neck. He, like all others I speak of, doesn't deserve this. He has three grown girls, who lost their mother young from an MS battle nearly 5 years ago. The last they need is to watch their father struggle through a similar fight.

And finally, a dear friend from our days in Minneapolis recently went in for routine exam, ended up with a scheduled hysterectomy and stage 3A uterine cancer. She provides speech therapy for early childhood kiddos and truly spends her days with the children as her main focus. She isn't self-focused, arrogant, or selfish.... she's just the opposite - caring, considerate, and modest. Why her?

And then I remember my first, memorable interaction with cancer. I was in high school and I witnessed my young aunt, in her twenties, fighting breast cancer. She had (and still has!) and amazingly beautiful husband, and two precious baby girls at home, and yet I sat with her on the floor of her living room, crying about a boyfriend that did me wrong. That was when she looked at me, and shared how short life is. She divulged her experiences and showed me that her beautiful hair was a wig. Her story really affected me, touched my heart, and changed my life. I watched her continue to battle this terrible disease, and nearly twenty years later, after many prayers, she remains cancer free.

It's courage like hers that we need to remember. Here's to hoping that all those I love so dearly can fight this battle as strong as my aunt has. And as hard as it is, we need to remember that cancer really is limited...

The Impact of BBBS

Since 1999, I've spent about 8 years mentoring children through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and I witnessed a difference in the two kiddos that I worked with. Evan went from a sassy kindergartener with little respect for adults to a polite 3rd grader, who beemed each day that I came to have lunch with him. The other, Amanda, had a rough life at home, parents who cared a little, and a self-esteem that was beyond low. After spending a few hours with her once a month, I saw more confidence and recently she shared with me that she's even graduated from Kirkwood!

However, it's the time that I've spent as Program Director at the agency, that's brought a true understanding about the financial needs and what it takes to serve these kids. Last year, we matched 752 kids with a one-to-one mentor, and continued supporting these matches with resources, tickets to events in the community, activities, and support. The cost to support one of these matches is about $1200 each year, and that is why our Bowl for Kids Sake fundraiser is so important.

Please consider donating online to this cause. With your donations, I will be bowling for the agency and these kids, and 100% of the funds raised will go back to providing children in the Cedar Rapids area with a mentor. For the kids, it's simple: they just want to feel special. For the volunteers, they are teaching about opportunity. And for you, as a donor, it's as little as giving $5.

 

And in case you need a little more of a reason to contribute, read Xavier's story below:

 

Damon and Xavier are a great match and have built a close relationship with one another since being matched in 2010, with that bond extended to and including all of Damon’s family. Damon’s young daughters look up to Xavier as their big brother! Damon has been instrumental in helping Xavier get on the right track academically and socially.

Damon and Xavier are participating in the agency’s CARE Program this fall, hoping to develop better habits toward positive academic achievement. Damon felt that offering a challenge to Xavier might help encourage him and so he told Xavier that if he had a 3.2 GPA at the end of the trimester, Xavier could shave Damon’s head! Damon knew a 3.2 GPA was going to be quite a stretch and wasn’t too concerned about it but, as you can see from the photo, Xavier stepped up and not only achieved the goal but well exceeded the goal, putting him on a path to success! 

With Damon’s support, Xavier became involved in extra-curricular activities at school, helping him build positive social relationships. Their most recent activity was doing a job shadow together. Xavier had expressed interest in being a construction manager so Damon lined up a job shadow for them. Xavier had a chance to review blueprints, helped prepare a cost estimate for a job and got to visit an actual construction site! Damon said it was a fun day for both of them.

 

Donate Today: http://bfkscr.kintera.org/kristihansen