What I Wish I Could Say...

I've always loved being pregnant... until round three! This time, I’m 32 years young and clearly not exactly in my prime for carrying babies! Since 16 weeks, I’ve visited the OB on a weekly basis for 17 alpha-hydroxyprogesterone caproate injections in my hip. The painful shots and bruising has just been the beginning. When people inquire about how I feel, I typically don't share an honest response. (If I did, they may vomit in their mouth.) But, because I tend to divulge on the blog, here’s the reality of what I wish I could say….

While I feel her pushing against my lungs, intestines and bladder, I also feel so much pressure in my crotch that I think my vagina might explode. Pretty soon this little princess is going to be dangling an arm or leg out the bottom. My doctor has checked mef weekly and since 33 weeks I've been 70% effaced. To be straightforward, the doc has felt the baby since then, and I could swear that she might fall out with any forward-bending-motion of my torso. I’m in bed every night at 8:30. I can hardly stand to bend over. My hubs has helped me pull on my socks and my kids zip my boots in the morning. I’m out of breath just getting dressed, and really can’t even fathom having to exercise ever again in my life.

Those varicose veins that I’ve discussed over and over are taking over my crotch. Yep, nasty, huh? The doc refers to them as varicosities which sounds much nicer than “vulva veins”, but the bulging is painful and quite frankly, soooo ugly! (Not that a normal vagina is pretty.) There’s no solution for them, and I’ve tried everything from loose panties to Spanx. They tell me to keep my feet above my heart and rest as much as possible. Okay, yeah. Teach me how to work upside down and then continue taking care of two kids at home while my hubby stays ahead of  the accounting busy season.

And if you want real honesty about this whole thing, here it goes. At 32 weeks I started a dose of Zoloft because I cried every day, felt so stressed yet was unable to describe why I was an emotional-wreck, and I found myself yelling at the kids when they did something wrong or didn’t follow directions the first time. After a full-disclosure-break-down to my doctor, she put me on an anti-depressant to curb the feelings and assist in the fight again post-partum depression as that draws closer. I cried at the pharmacy as I picked up the prescription with my five-year-old in the cart, fearing the stigmatism of people staring at me as some crazy lady who couldn’t handle being a mom. The toughest part was coming home to tell my husband what the doctor prescribed. This was the first appointment that he was unable to attend, and until then, he didn’t even know what I’d been experiencing.

Since then, he’s been my rock. He has a relationship with my doctor that is strong and honest and she’s even encouraged him to call her with questions. We talk very openly about my feelings and the risk/safety factors of being on this drug. And while depression is nothing that I’ve experienced before, I have a huge amount of empathy for the many kids and adults affected with this disease on a daily basis. Since beginning the prescription, I’ve witnessed huge improvements: I haven’t cried since, I calmly talk to my kids when they need to be redirected, and I can open up to my husband again, which is the foundation of our relationship.

While none of this is comfortable to openly talk about, I keep telling everyone that things are good, that I feel fine, and that the baby is great. Thankfully, our baby is doing great! She has surpassed her milestones for gestation, reaching nearly 39 weeks now, and her heart rate is consistently strong. I know that she is getting stronger every day that she stays snuggled in my womb, and we feel so blessed.

With that said, we're still trying to name this little princess! Cast your vote on the right side of the blog and let us know your favorite -- or if you wish to suggest one, just leave a comment below.

Butterfly Kisses

Last year was the first experience Jarin had taking his little girl to the Junior League father-daughter dance, Butterfly Kisses. I remember him not knowing what he was about to get into taking his then-four-year-old little girl for dancing, crafts, photos, and more. But he prepped her right, surprised her with some "diamond" jewelry from Claire's, and put on his own spiffy suit to take her out for the afternoon.

This year, she went all out! She wanted her hair done, nails manicured, and was even touched with some eyeshadow and lipstick before adorning herself with a fancy dress and new bling, bling shoes. That's when she looked at me and asked if she could wear the jewelry that her daddy got her for her first father-daughter dance. Of course! I loved that she remembered exactly when and why she received that special gift from her daddy and that it was important that she wear it again this year.

Take a look at her getting ready for the event. She sure felt like a princess, and I can promise you that her daddy was thrilled to have her as his date.

As they were getting ready to leave, Cade looked at me and said, "Mom, do they ever have mother-brother dances?" Aw, how priceless that he ask! Instead, we had a special mother-son trip to Donutland for the biggest and best cinnamon roll in town.

Keeping Thing 1 and 2 Connected

A few weeks ago I visited our neighbors who just brought their second child into this world. As my kids were playing with their oldest, Grady, who’s four, we were talking about the toll that a new baby brings on to the other kids in the family. Jarin and I didn’t really experience that with Cade – he was only 19 months old when Alayna joined us. Therefore, his memories of family have always included a sister. Grady, on the other hand, is old enough to express her feelings, and truly embraced the sense of being left out. 

As we left their house I realized this was going to be Cade and Layna too. They are old enough to vocalize feelings and it was truly so important that, as parents, we find a way to ensure they felt included from the moment our baby girl arrives. I searched the internet, looked on Pinterest, walked the craft aisles at Target and Michael’s, and finally I ended up with the idea of Big Brother and Big Sister Kits.

I started with activities for them to do as they spend time in the hospital with us – crayons, activity books, games, snacks and puzzles. Then I added new shirts, as an element explaining their big, new role as Big Brother and Big Sister. Next, and most importantly, I connected the kits to the main purpose. With a new baby, hand sanitizer would set ground rules for clean hands before touching and personalized onsies, decorated with fabric markers, would be the perfect touch!

After finding some cheap baskets and adding some tulle, they were done. Wah-la! I can’t wait to see their excitement when they find their gifts sitting in the hospital room!

Cancer Sucks

You've seen the signs, right?

I HATE CANCER

Well, I can't agree more. For some reason, over the last few months, it is running rapid among my friends and family, and it feels like it's taking control of lives that shouldn't be affected.

Take my uncle for example. He's been a successful farmer for years, worked hard, paid his dues, married my wonderful aunt and continues to treat her as a queen, raised three beautiful kids who provided him a wealth of grandbabies, manages a sense of humor to make anyone's day. And yet, cancer has invaded his body. He's fought the fight, dealt with the headaches, completed bounds of treatment, and now the doctors tell him it's not helping.

Or what about our close family friend, who won a silent auction basket providing her a health exam that she probably wouldn't have considered doing otherwise. It led her into the surgical room with the likelihood that she had thyroid cancer. After the scare of who would mother her young girls at home, she was discharged with good news.

If one case of thyroid cancer isn't enough, I recently learned of another -- my cousin. She's younger than I, recently became a mother, and now scared that she may not be able to produce another baby. Her surgery was a full removal of the thyroid, and again successful. She's home relaxing now with her daughter - the best place to be.

Another uncle of mine is now experiencing multiple, consecutive days of chemotherapy each week to fight off the swelling tumors in his neck. He, like all others I speak of, doesn't deserve this. He has three grown girls, who lost their mother young from an MS battle nearly 5 years ago. The last they need is to watch their father struggle through a similar fight.

And finally, a dear friend from our days in Minneapolis recently went in for routine exam, ended up with a scheduled hysterectomy and stage 3A uterine cancer. She provides speech therapy for early childhood kiddos and truly spends her days with the children as her main focus. She isn't self-focused, arrogant, or selfish.... she's just the opposite - caring, considerate, and modest. Why her?

And then I remember my first, memorable interaction with cancer. I was in high school and I witnessed my young aunt, in her twenties, fighting breast cancer. She had (and still has!) and amazingly beautiful husband, and two precious baby girls at home, and yet I sat with her on the floor of her living room, crying about a boyfriend that did me wrong. That was when she looked at me, and shared how short life is. She divulged her experiences and showed me that her beautiful hair was a wig. Her story really affected me, touched my heart, and changed my life. I watched her continue to battle this terrible disease, and nearly twenty years later, after many prayers, she remains cancer free.

It's courage like hers that we need to remember. Here's to hoping that all those I love so dearly can fight this battle as strong as my aunt has. And as hard as it is, we need to remember that cancer really is limited...

The Impact of BBBS

Since 1999, I've spent about 8 years mentoring children through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and I witnessed a difference in the two kiddos that I worked with. Evan went from a sassy kindergartener with little respect for adults to a polite 3rd grader, who beemed each day that I came to have lunch with him. The other, Amanda, had a rough life at home, parents who cared a little, and a self-esteem that was beyond low. After spending a few hours with her once a month, I saw more confidence and recently she shared with me that she's even graduated from Kirkwood!

However, it's the time that I've spent as Program Director at the agency, that's brought a true understanding about the financial needs and what it takes to serve these kids. Last year, we matched 752 kids with a one-to-one mentor, and continued supporting these matches with resources, tickets to events in the community, activities, and support. The cost to support one of these matches is about $1200 each year, and that is why our Bowl for Kids Sake fundraiser is so important.

Please consider donating online to this cause. With your donations, I will be bowling for the agency and these kids, and 100% of the funds raised will go back to providing children in the Cedar Rapids area with a mentor. For the kids, it's simple: they just want to feel special. For the volunteers, they are teaching about opportunity. And for you, as a donor, it's as little as giving $5.

 

And in case you need a little more of a reason to contribute, read Xavier's story below:

 

Damon and Xavier are a great match and have built a close relationship with one another since being matched in 2010, with that bond extended to and including all of Damon’s family. Damon’s young daughters look up to Xavier as their big brother! Damon has been instrumental in helping Xavier get on the right track academically and socially.

Damon and Xavier are participating in the agency’s CARE Program this fall, hoping to develop better habits toward positive academic achievement. Damon felt that offering a challenge to Xavier might help encourage him and so he told Xavier that if he had a 3.2 GPA at the end of the trimester, Xavier could shave Damon’s head! Damon knew a 3.2 GPA was going to be quite a stretch and wasn’t too concerned about it but, as you can see from the photo, Xavier stepped up and not only achieved the goal but well exceeded the goal, putting him on a path to success! 

With Damon’s support, Xavier became involved in extra-curricular activities at school, helping him build positive social relationships. Their most recent activity was doing a job shadow together. Xavier had expressed interest in being a construction manager so Damon lined up a job shadow for them. Xavier had a chance to review blueprints, helped prepare a cost estimate for a job and got to visit an actual construction site! Damon said it was a fun day for both of them.

 

Donate Today: http://bfkscr.kintera.org/kristihansen

Holiday Craze

AAAHHHH!!!

Anyone else feel that way?

I blame a lot on the 6 1/2 month creation that is brewing in my pelvis, creating a brain freeze in my noggin', a side-cramp every time I roll over, and aches when I try to pick up the crumbs on the kitchen floor. (Is this a sign of aging?)

Or wait, maybe the exhaustion is from the fact that I'm trying to work full-time, support my hard-working hubby who is gone more than he's home, cook dinners that are more substantial than Jack's frozen pizza, keep up on the laundry (including Shout-ing out layers upon layers of rainbow Crayola marker from sleeves), and prep for the holidays. Anymore, holiday prep in itself includes more than just cutting down the Christmas tree.

Holiday prep with a six and almost-five-year-old is tricky! Between staying on budget, making sure everyone is (evenly) spoken for, and supplying gifts from St. Nick... God-forbid I can't forget to move "Odie" -- that's the Elf who showed up last year and has been a pain in my side ever since. Honestly, who invented this creature? When he forgets to travel back to the North Pole at night, I get the 3rd degree that I must have touched him and made him "lose his magic." Really?

I have enough trouble just trying to keep Santa's magic in our home. I understand Cade and Layna are far too young to give up on the idea of Santa being real, but let's be real... I've almost spilled the beans multiple times just this year. I can't just pick up stocking stuffers anymore when we're out and about, tags can't say the Gap, Dick's, or Target because they know those stores as places mom frequents. Shoot, the wrapping paper and handwriting even has to be different than mom's.

Is there a parenting class that I missed along the way on how to do this?

Maybe next year Odie will steal Barbie's convertible or take the Build-A-Bear on in a game of chess... but until then, we're keeping it simple.

Gender Reveal!!!

In a recent post, I shared that we would soon reveal the gender of this acrobatic monkey inside me. Now, at 24 weeks and 14 extra pounds, it's time!

Let me preface with... Finding out the gender didn't seem like a big deal to me. We have one of each. I'm okay not having the nursery completely painted prior to arrival. I've saved all my boy and girl baby-goods. I never knew in advance with Cade or Layna, and survived just fine. And honestly, I didn't really care either way. I truly down played the whole experience.

But, I was making a big deal of it "for the kids". So, (with the help of Pinterest) I planned to have an old friend of ours join us for an afternoon of {awesome} photography. I prepared a cardboard box for hours and sent Jarin to the florist for balloons. 35 balloons to be exact. And for all of you party-throwers out there... FYI, there is a helium shortage. Yep. 35 balloons equals 75 bucks. Trust me, the bean-counting husband of mine was not thrilled.

But he bought them as instructed; we corralled our neighbor to help get them from the black bags to the cardboard box without us seeing. And in the back of the mama-van they went. To find out what happened after that point, you'll have to tune into the video below:

As you can imagine, it was the best experience of my life. I didn't expect emotions to run over me like they did. And the best part of it all was that we could celebrate together. I wasn't tied down to the ultrasound bed, or paralyzed from an epidural. I was free to grab my kids and my husband, and embrace the new baby girl that would soon join us.

And as I turned around to watch all those balloons float into the heavens, I realized that those whom I loved the most, those who couldn't be with us to celebrate these new milestones... they were the ones finding out first.

Time Together

Remember when they told you that love-making, romanticism, and butterflies would end after you got married? Remember when you told them they were crazy?

Recall when they told you life was really over after having kids, that there was no way to relive all the fun, spice, and excitement in bed that you had early on? Remember then wondering if they might be right... even just a little.

After being together for 12 years, married for 8, I've experienced the emotional, sexual, and romantic fears that come with being married, starting careers, bearing children, becoming parents, and wishing you had time alone more frequently. I've also had the opportunity to mature in my way of thinking about love.

It was about a year ago, when a friend introduced me to the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, that I started to be intriqued by this idea. (She actually co-wrote her experience with her husband in a recent post on the Quad City Moms Blog -- which is super cool!)

Okay, so yes, I understood that love comes in other ways beyond the bedroom, but I hadn't realized that love can be felt and expressed just as strongly through these other languages. The truth is that everyone speaks a love language, and once you decipher what that is, it's really easy to feel less attention-deprived and more loved every day.

So, on my journey through this book, I learned that my #1 love language is clearly Quality Time. I want nothing more than to have time with my loved ones that is focused, where conversation is strong, smiles connect us, and emotions are felt by the experience of just being together. Let me share my examples:

• One of my favorite memories as a child was when my dad would take my sister and I out to the airport to watch planes come in. We were not distracted by TV, video games, or interruptions. Our conversations were focused on the same thing, at the same time. And not one of us had a passion for flight.
• My husband's proposal to me was perfect because we were sitting alone on a dock, staring at the stars, and reminiscing about the days when we started dating. We aren't astrologists by any means, and we don't understand constellations. But it was just us, hearing each other out.
• A recent family day trip gave us exactly what I was craving. We piled the kids into the minivan and headed for NE Iowa, where the leaves are a perfect crisp orange and burnt red in early October. The hills roll for miles and it's awesome to watch the reflection of them on the river. And as we entered this area of the state, we ooh'd and aah'd together, snapped photos, toured Spook Cave, and ate at the unforgettable Pete's Hamburgers in Prairie du Chien.
• The holidays are a some of my favorite times each year because we all have a break from school, work, routine, and chaos. We have time for home cooking, movies and popcorn, game nights, and snuggling.

Now, don't let me fool you, Physical Touch is still my love-language-runner-up, but you may not have suspected that Receiving Gifts scores zero points in my book!

Find out how you feel love by taking the online quiz! 

Truth from Teachers

One of the most nerve-wracking, feel-good moments of being a parent is attending your child’s school conference. At the early age of 3, you sign up to have someone else inform you how your child fares among their peers. It’s one of those times that I truly expect to hear “good” things, but at the same time, am very open to constructive feedback, areas of improvement, and even challenges that come with all kids learning at various intervals. My appreciation goes out to all educators who make this happen on a daily basis.

This week, we had the chance to talk with both of the kids’ teachers. Here’s a recap:

Caden

He’s caught up on his reading level, performing right at the targeted expectation for the end of the first trimester. This was a huge area of improvement for him so far in 1st grade. I remember back to preschool, and I was regularly checking in with an early childhood professional from the AEA, concerned that he wasn’t really talking yet. In kindergarten, we tried getting him to read by the end of the year, but he would get so mad and frustrated that it wasn’t productive for any of us. And he was behind in his reading level, as of the end of last year. Today, he’s reading his own books, sounding out words when he’s unsure, using phonemic illustrations for words that are not spelled as they sound (he tells us this is just like sign language on paper), and he’s interested in reading. At the same time, he’s excelling in math. Cade claims this to be his favorite part of school, and he’s already surpassed the mathematical goals for the entire year. His teacher (who is amazing!!, by the way) has promised him that she’ll continue to support him as far as he can make it this year. To my complete surprise, we learned that he is one of 6 kids in the entire 1st grade (roughly 65 kids) that is being pulled out on Fridays for expanded arithmetic lessons. Wow. As a parent, what do you say to that?

Alayna

She loves school, and is such a helper among her peers. When the teachers need to call on someone to lead by example, buddy up with a younger child, or wait turns appropriately, she is the go-to gal. Her strengths lie in her creative abilities: coloring, cutting, drawing, singing, and reading. She’s definitely up to speed on knowing her ABC’s, understanding the combinations of letters which make words, and how to write her name with upper and lower case letters appropriately and legibly. Her counting has been above average; while many know how to count, she is counting objects and identifying the correct numbers associated with the count. She continues to work on her A-B-C patterns, but is coming along very well. Layne refrains from tantrums and sassy language at school and toward her teachers (thankfully!), but does give them The Glare when she doesn’t appreciate the direction she was given. I'm told over-and-over that this is a sign of her independence... a great attribute for a woman. We continue to focus on her enunciation of letters R and L, although, I have to say that her little southern-drawl is too cute.

 

 

I sure hope that both of the babes continue succeeding academically. It’s such a blessing to have children who naturally love school, and are challenged to always do their best while there. Academics are such an integral part of growing, and we couldn’t be more proud of their 6- and 4- year old accomplishments.

Half-Way There!

I woke today with excitement and anticipation! It was time for our 20 week ultrasound! First thing's first... I peed in my cup, showered, and got the kids ready for school. At breakfast, Alayna looks at me funny as says, "Mom, I think it's weird that you have to show your doctor your pee again!"

Yeah, well that statement turned into an entire breakfast conversation between a 4- and 6- year old of: "how does she get her pee in there?" ... "oh, I bet she scooped it out of the toilet!" ... "how does it stay in there!" ... "I wonder where do she puts it"? ... "why is it so yellow?"

Okay, enough! I fessed up to the kids as though they were crazy for not understanding how this works... I explained that I simply put the cup under my butt and pee in it! Then the doctor tests it to see if the baby is okay. Fine, they got it.

After just a couple hours in meetings, I raced out, picked up the hubs from the office, and arrived at the appointment just in time. Whoo-hoo, it was time to see this baby in action!

Oh yeah, time to weigh in. Another 3 lbs gained since the 16 week appt. Jarin clarified quickly that was 9 lbs since pre-pregnancy... thanks A-Hole. Did I mention that we should mandate husband weigh-ins each month too?

Right away, I handed the technician our orange envelope with card inside that read:

It's A _________

I clarified that we do not want to know the gender today, and she agreed. Carefully I listened as she described the baby's anatomy, but she never slipped with a he or she. Come to find out, it is a perfectly healthy 11 oz. baby - spine, brain, stomach, arms and legs were all perfect, and the strong heartbeat came in at 136 bpm. I could even count all 10 toes and fingers.

Okay, so quite possibly Baby is flipping us off in this one picture, but after about a half hour of poking and prodding, this little Baby was fed up and tired! Watch this sweet moment that was captured with Baby's big yawn:

 

We left the office, and Jarin designated himself keeper of the envelope which holds the card with the now-filled-in-blank. How he got to be the lucky one, I'm not sure. Although, if I had access, I may be tempted to peek!

 

So, what do you think it is? Take the poll on the right side of the blog, and stay tuned for the big reveal, compliments of Bella Daisy Photography.