Time Together

Remember when they told you that love-making, romanticism, and butterflies would end after you got married? Remember when you told them they were crazy?

Recall when they told you life was really over after having kids, that there was no way to relive all the fun, spice, and excitement in bed that you had early on? Remember then wondering if they might be right... even just a little.

After being together for 12 years, married for 8, I've experienced the emotional, sexual, and romantic fears that come with being married, starting careers, bearing children, becoming parents, and wishing you had time alone more frequently. I've also had the opportunity to mature in my way of thinking about love.

It was about a year ago, when a friend introduced me to the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, that I started to be intriqued by this idea. (She actually co-wrote her experience with her husband in a recent post on the Quad City Moms Blog -- which is super cool!)

Okay, so yes, I understood that love comes in other ways beyond the bedroom, but I hadn't realized that love can be felt and expressed just as strongly through these other languages. The truth is that everyone speaks a love language, and once you decipher what that is, it's really easy to feel less attention-deprived and more loved every day.

So, on my journey through this book, I learned that my #1 love language is clearly Quality Time. I want nothing more than to have time with my loved ones that is focused, where conversation is strong, smiles connect us, and emotions are felt by the experience of just being together. Let me share my examples:

• One of my favorite memories as a child was when my dad would take my sister and I out to the airport to watch planes come in. We were not distracted by TV, video games, or interruptions. Our conversations were focused on the same thing, at the same time. And not one of us had a passion for flight.
• My husband's proposal to me was perfect because we were sitting alone on a dock, staring at the stars, and reminiscing about the days when we started dating. We aren't astrologists by any means, and we don't understand constellations. But it was just us, hearing each other out.
• A recent family day trip gave us exactly what I was craving. We piled the kids into the minivan and headed for NE Iowa, where the leaves are a perfect crisp orange and burnt red in early October. The hills roll for miles and it's awesome to watch the reflection of them on the river. And as we entered this area of the state, we ooh'd and aah'd together, snapped photos, toured Spook Cave, and ate at the unforgettable Pete's Hamburgers in Prairie du Chien.
• The holidays are a some of my favorite times each year because we all have a break from school, work, routine, and chaos. We have time for home cooking, movies and popcorn, game nights, and snuggling.

Now, don't let me fool you, Physical Touch is still my love-language-runner-up, but you may not have suspected that Receiving Gifts scores zero points in my book!

Find out how you feel love by taking the online quiz! 

Truth from Teachers

One of the most nerve-wracking, feel-good moments of being a parent is attending your child’s school conference. At the early age of 3, you sign up to have someone else inform you how your child fares among their peers. It’s one of those times that I truly expect to hear “good” things, but at the same time, am very open to constructive feedback, areas of improvement, and even challenges that come with all kids learning at various intervals. My appreciation goes out to all educators who make this happen on a daily basis.

This week, we had the chance to talk with both of the kids’ teachers. Here’s a recap:

Caden

He’s caught up on his reading level, performing right at the targeted expectation for the end of the first trimester. This was a huge area of improvement for him so far in 1st grade. I remember back to preschool, and I was regularly checking in with an early childhood professional from the AEA, concerned that he wasn’t really talking yet. In kindergarten, we tried getting him to read by the end of the year, but he would get so mad and frustrated that it wasn’t productive for any of us. And he was behind in his reading level, as of the end of last year. Today, he’s reading his own books, sounding out words when he’s unsure, using phonemic illustrations for words that are not spelled as they sound (he tells us this is just like sign language on paper), and he’s interested in reading. At the same time, he’s excelling in math. Cade claims this to be his favorite part of school, and he’s already surpassed the mathematical goals for the entire year. His teacher (who is amazing!!, by the way) has promised him that she’ll continue to support him as far as he can make it this year. To my complete surprise, we learned that he is one of 6 kids in the entire 1st grade (roughly 65 kids) that is being pulled out on Fridays for expanded arithmetic lessons. Wow. As a parent, what do you say to that?

Alayna

She loves school, and is such a helper among her peers. When the teachers need to call on someone to lead by example, buddy up with a younger child, or wait turns appropriately, she is the go-to gal. Her strengths lie in her creative abilities: coloring, cutting, drawing, singing, and reading. She’s definitely up to speed on knowing her ABC’s, understanding the combinations of letters which make words, and how to write her name with upper and lower case letters appropriately and legibly. Her counting has been above average; while many know how to count, she is counting objects and identifying the correct numbers associated with the count. She continues to work on her A-B-C patterns, but is coming along very well. Layne refrains from tantrums and sassy language at school and toward her teachers (thankfully!), but does give them The Glare when she doesn’t appreciate the direction she was given. I'm told over-and-over that this is a sign of her independence... a great attribute for a woman. We continue to focus on her enunciation of letters R and L, although, I have to say that her little southern-drawl is too cute.

 

 

I sure hope that both of the babes continue succeeding academically. It’s such a blessing to have children who naturally love school, and are challenged to always do their best while there. Academics are such an integral part of growing, and we couldn’t be more proud of their 6- and 4- year old accomplishments.

Half-Way There!

I woke today with excitement and anticipation! It was time for our 20 week ultrasound! First thing's first... I peed in my cup, showered, and got the kids ready for school. At breakfast, Alayna looks at me funny as says, "Mom, I think it's weird that you have to show your doctor your pee again!"

Yeah, well that statement turned into an entire breakfast conversation between a 4- and 6- year old of: "how does she get her pee in there?" ... "oh, I bet she scooped it out of the toilet!" ... "how does it stay in there!" ... "I wonder where do she puts it"? ... "why is it so yellow?"

Okay, enough! I fessed up to the kids as though they were crazy for not understanding how this works... I explained that I simply put the cup under my butt and pee in it! Then the doctor tests it to see if the baby is okay. Fine, they got it.

After just a couple hours in meetings, I raced out, picked up the hubs from the office, and arrived at the appointment just in time. Whoo-hoo, it was time to see this baby in action!

Oh yeah, time to weigh in. Another 3 lbs gained since the 16 week appt. Jarin clarified quickly that was 9 lbs since pre-pregnancy... thanks A-Hole. Did I mention that we should mandate husband weigh-ins each month too?

Right away, I handed the technician our orange envelope with card inside that read:

It's A _________

I clarified that we do not want to know the gender today, and she agreed. Carefully I listened as she described the baby's anatomy, but she never slipped with a he or she. Come to find out, it is a perfectly healthy 11 oz. baby - spine, brain, stomach, arms and legs were all perfect, and the strong heartbeat came in at 136 bpm. I could even count all 10 toes and fingers.

Okay, so quite possibly Baby is flipping us off in this one picture, but after about a half hour of poking and prodding, this little Baby was fed up and tired! Watch this sweet moment that was captured with Baby's big yawn:

 

We left the office, and Jarin designated himself keeper of the envelope which holds the card with the now-filled-in-blank. How he got to be the lucky one, I'm not sure. Although, if I had access, I may be tempted to peek!

 

So, what do you think it is? Take the poll on the right side of the blog, and stay tuned for the big reveal, compliments of Bella Daisy Photography.

NFL Inspired

I've shared enough headaches about the girl recently, it's finally time for the boy to shine.

***deep sigh***

Oh, where to start? He's my football-maniac, mesmerized by everything sports-related.

For flag football, he needed gloves

His favorite team is ... ANYone who plays NFL
He can spit out the name, position, and jersey number of any player that is remotely good
He knows plays, penalties, and the purpose
He'll let you know if they "shoulda had that"
He was honestly frustrated that Jarin and I were not taking him to a Bears game
He plays with the 5th graders at recess, and scores on them

Attending only two Iowa games already this season was "just not fair"
He'd rather watch ESPN than a cartoon/movie any day
He's frustrated if you walk in front of him while he's watching a game on TV
He DVR's any games he can't stay up late enough to watch
He's infatuated!

So, here's the down side... he's also very consumed by the attire, brand names, and look of football players. He thinks he needs new shoes everytime a style is highlighted on ESPN; he wants new gloves because of the brand; he needs a new helmet that has a face mask designed like the pros; and he wants to wear shorts with tall Nike Elite socks.

Seriously, he's 6!!! We've made the deal with him that he can wear shorts if the high will be at least 60 degrees. (We all know that day isn't coming in Iowa until April!) But, today, he begged to wear shorts. Dad made him a deal that if he promised not to take off his pants, he could wear shorts underneath. Little did Cade know that daddy teaches JA at his school, and out of coincidence, Jarin ran into Cade in the hallway today.

He was wearing shorts.

I soon receive the heated phone call at work, and Jarin and I are quickly creating the "game plan" for the evening. We determined that I would continue on with my night and act as though I am not aware of "the incident"; I'd see what he's wearing at pick up, ask him about his day, and see if he mentions running into daddy today. Ultimately, we're going to find out how honest this kid really is. Oh, game is on! And mom and dad are teaming up to outsmart the boy.

Yeah, well, he played Joe Cool with me tonight and ignored the fact that he just tried to pull a fast one over on us. Then Daddy came home, and he was BUSTED!!!!

So, what witty stories are we going to be dealing with in another 10 years?

Thoughts from a Working Mom

I read Allison Tate's blog the other day: The Mom Stays in the Picture and I spent the next couple days collecting my thoughts about the message and how I compete. While I appreciate and agree with her message to have mom say cheese with the kiddos, what this blog did for me was even more than that... it begged the question: am I spending enough time with my children?

The answer is clearly no. There are not enough hours in one day to work full-time, be a wife, daughter, sister, friend, and aunt, and still find the amount of time in one day to be with my kids as much as I wish I could. I've found in just 6 years that children grow way too fast. While I sweat those moments that Allison speaks of (preparing for birthdays, Halloween, and Christmas), it is usually because I'm trying to force 2 weeks of planning into 2 days. I never have the time I want to live, save, and cherish the moments as I wish I could.

And it's because I am a working mom.

If I could share my thoughts with my kids, I would tell them this: I wish I could be home with you every day, to take you to school, read to your class, join the field trip, allow you to be a "car rider", eliminate the need for someone else to feed you an after-school snack, help you with homework, or let you run in our backyard. I wish I could enroll you in gymnastics or read "book cart" with you after school, so that you didn't have to stay up so late at night to fit in all the activities. I wish you knew that I cry when you do every morning that I have to leave you at daycare, so that I can be at work on time. Know that it's your pictures on my desk that get me through the day, and it makes my day 100 times better when someone asks me about you.

I would also tell them that I love my job. I want to make an impact in children's lives who aren't as fortunate, blessed or loved as you are at home. I wish there was a better way to show you what I do each day when I leave you at daycare. If only you saw what I work for every day, you would know that it's all worth it. I know your heart would be as big as mine is. I believe you would understand that there is room in my day for both -- you and my professional passion.

And some day, if it's possible, I promise to give more time to you when you need it most. When going to school isn't always fun and light-hearted, when days are long, recess isn't an option, and gym isn't what you look forward to. When kids make fun of each other, making friends feels like a war, and when peer pressure gets the best of some... I promise to be more present during those days. If and when that day comes, we'll owe it to daddy for all that he does to make that possible.

Until then, we'll keep taking pictures to remember all the fun that we have together now. I love you.

TMI of Pregnancy

I've always said that pregnancy is beautiful; that God has created a magical experience with motherhood; and that it's one of the most unexplainable treasures that a woman can ever live through. However, I have determined one (of many) non-gorgeous moments of carrying a child: Vericose Veins.

The back of my legs look like a frickin maze blocked by blue blood vessel borders, which have continual deadends. They feel like they may explode at any point, and the only relief comes from medically perscribed compresion hose. And, isn't that a thoughtful invention! Every morning, I sit on the floor of my closet, in my bra and unds, trying to bend over to touch my toes just to pull on these wicked pieces of therapy. Let's be honest, they take the strength of a moutain lion to get them over your heel, and once you get that completed, you're out of breath and lucky to have them stretched up and over your thighs before one of the other two kids (or husband) breaks into the closet to laugh and stare at you as if you just landed from outerspace.

And because they are over $100 a pop, you can only afford one pair. But with just a couple days of continuous wear, they are stretched out. Not, of course, in the areas that you need them to be (like in the heel) but at the thigh. Great, so Sunday (as I am walking/jogging a 5K) I feel them begin to slide down. Finally, I mention to the hubs that they are now down past my knees and not at all assisting in the pain that is throbbing on the back of my legs. His response: "do you want to stop to pull them up?" Oh, yeah, let me start my morning-closet-routine in front of thousands of people. It's not as simple as just pulling up an athletic sock.

By the way, did I mention that I'm only 16 weeks? My last pregnancy, I started wearing this fashion accessory at 28 weeks, and by the time I delivered at 37, I had vuvla veins. Honestly, did you know those existed? I didn't either. So, if that progression happened in 9 weeks last time, I wonder where I'll find painful, popping, protruding veins in the next 24 weeks.

Sixty Years

A life is not lived, if not lived to the fullest. For Clyder, I have to believe that he fulfills his life with enjoyment. He treasures his family, has a passion for his career, adores his hobbies, and shares his interests with others. Whether it's cheering for the Vikings, Twins, or Hawkeyes, bird-watching, beer-drinking, card-playing, Western-watching, or coin-collecting, my father-in law is always teaching my kids to love what he does. He's a man that doesn't show much anger, keeps even-keeled, and has the biggest heart. He will always tell you hello and ask how you are when he sees you, and doesn't ever forget to call on your important days.

Today, Clyde celebrates 60 years. These years aren't something that he has many regrets for. He is a man that is rooted in his heritage, proud of his upbringing, and willing to look for the best in each day ahead. He's a man that many would be lucky to duplicate. Happy Birthday Clyder... and cheers!

The Latest (and Greatest!)

I remember a few months back, talking to my sister about this blog, and she said to me, "I would never have anything to say in a blog!" Some days I wonder if her view on that has changed now since having Hayden and watching her changes, milestones, and new accomplishments. In the moment, you promise to never forget how old they were when they said "mama", or where you were when they learned to use the potty, or when they got their first tooth (or lost it!). You always believe that your family trip will stay fresh in your mind and that their first soccer game will be a memory forever. But, let's be real.

 

With both of us working full time, trying to keep up with house chores, cleaning up after two kids, and hauling them to every activity under the sun... I can't remember any of it! So, that's why I started this blog years ago, and while I'm not always the best with posting regularly, I do try to capture a few of my favorites. Everything from the funniest things that come out of the kids' mouths to my baby sister's big day is recorded here.

 

So, you wonder what the latest is?

 

 

We're on to #3, and couldn't be happier! We found out just before week 4, and quite possibly I started showing that same day. Seriously? Who does that happen to? I thought maternity clothes came out of the closet in the 4th month, not the 4th week!?!?!

 

We also decided not to inform the kids right away. There is such a risk of them telling everyone in the grocery store that "mom is having a baby!!!" that we decided to wait until we were really ready to spread the news. However, my mom came over one day during week 4 and asked, in front of the kids, "how's the baby?" Immediately, I had four eyeballs staring me down and asking, "what baby?," "where's the baby?"

By week 5, I was in bed by 8:30 and ready to scream it from the roof tops! How could I honestly hide it any longer? Beyond a little fatique and this "bump" (which my mother informed me my belly button was already popped out) I haven't felt anything - no nausea, headaches, cramps - nothing.

So, week 6 is a different ballgame. I could stay in bed all day. I wake up with the requirement of water and saltine crackers. I am obviously pregnant to the outside world now, and the kids have blatantly asked if I have a baby in my tummy. Yep, they even honestly expressed that "it's bigger" and that is how they knew. Ah, the frankness of a 4 year old. Jarin and I decided to tell them this week. We read the book Baby Bear and the Bundle of Joy, and they were pretty excited to be getting their own bundle soon. The reality is that Cade just wants his room downstairs so that he can watch the 70" TV whenever he wants!

Fast forward to week 7 and I've now announced it at work! Done hiding it. One, I'm so excited, and two, I can't button my pants. I pulled out the belly-band now and have run out of baggy dress clothes in my closet. I go to the doctor next week, but it isn't until 12 weeks that you even get to hear the heartbeat. I might have to figure out a way to get an early ultrasound. Shoot, enough people have asked if I'm having twins.... you'd think that'd work.

During week 9, I started reading the books that the doctor sent me home with last week. And by the first night, I slammed them shut. They told me that twins were most common in women in their early 30's AND I shouldn't be showing until 20 weeks. Yeah, well, see for yourself what 9 weeks of pregnancy looks like on me:

 

Week 10 and 11 went by pretty fast, although it's amazing the amount of pressure I'm already feeling. The vericose veins are starting to pop out of my legs, and I see TED hose in my near future. Already wearing the maternity pants... finagaling the rubber band around my pant buttons for the last 5 weeks is getting old.

 

We headed out the doc during week 12, and it was confirmed that everything being bigger, worse, more painful, and more exhausting was just a sign of having a third baby. Holy crap. How do those crazy moms of 8 kids do it? Heartbeat was strong and solid at 158 beats per minute. They couldn't guarantee that there was only one bambino cooking though, so we headed for an ultrasound on Friday. And here is the beautiful profile....

 

 

Jarin scoped the screen trying to identify the gender, but it couldn't be determined by our expertise :) Heartbeat was 146 though, so our guess is boy. Either way, there is only one, and the baby was bigger than anticipated -- due date is now moved up to March 26th.

 

15 weeks down, and 25 more to go! ... if I make it that long.

She Taught Me

It was another day in the life of being a mom, sister, daughter, aunt, wife, employee, and friend.

After a full day at work, Alayna and I went rounds again after school. This time it was because she nonchalantly walked into Caden's daycare tonight and erased the whiteboard-artwork of him and his girl-friend. I didn't know whether to be proud that she was showing his "girlfriend" that Lil' Sis was in town, or frustrated that she was just that rude and blunt. Either way, she didn't apologize, and I fought the battle until she did.

Jarin then came home, asked if we wanted to go on a walk -- let's be real, it is beautiful out -- but I couldn't reward the little snot. She was charged with helping with laundry, making dinner, and setting the table. Dinner was served just as the boys came home from their jog.

Moogs and Miss Hayden stopped by then. Can't get enough love from that little stinker. Some day, I promised Meg that she'd give her a run for her money, just as Alayna does me. We'll see. Mom took a detour on her way home from the grocery store, and came to say hi before bedtime. This is the joy of being so close to family. We giggled together for a bit, and then Grandma reitterated with Alayna the importance of letting others know when you are in the wrong.

I chose a random bedtime story from Alayna's library as I tucked her in, (recall the occurrence from just 3 hours prior) and it ended with this:

"I love you when you're nice. I love you cranky, too.

I love you without liking the naughty things you do."

 

We sat together after this, my four-year-old and I, talking about the meaning. I explained that no matter what she ever did, I'd love her because I was her mommy; but that didn't make her actions right. She was actually listening, believe it or not, and even responded with, "I'm sorry." Those were the two words I worked on for nearly an hour tonight, and here in just 3 minutes, she got it.

 

And then I thought about the many things I may have done to disappoint my mom, sister, or husband. The negative things I may have said to them, or even my kids. Have I always stood up to say sorry? Or did I assume they knew? Sometimes it's the lack of communication that we provide to those we care most about, that leaves the biggest scar.

 

As my cell rang, I tucked Alayna in, and on the front of my phone I saw a photo of a far away friend, who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years. God was making an amazing connection for me at this moment. Did she know how often I think of her; how much it meant that she called? This was my chance to do as I say, and I was sure to share how excited I was to hear from her.

 

I found it so thoughtful that she took the time to call, and felt so bad that I haven't been the one with initiative. For her, and many of my friends who live across the country, my lack of communication means that I owe you an apology. I do care, and think of you often.

 

Thank you Alayna for teaching me a message tonight. Just as I shared with you the meaning and ease in saying I'm sorry... so too is finding 30 minutes for a friend.

Intervention

And, the worst-mom-of-the-day goes to... Kristi!

Yep, that is about how I felt today. Tired and hungry, I picked up the kids from school. Late, of course. I told them I'd be there before 5 p.m. It was now 5:10. That's pretty much how my day went though. As I walked into the building I debated who to pick up from their room first. I landed on Alayna... not sure why, but it was a mistake. She wasn't done coloring. I said 'Hi' as I walked in, asked her to pick up her items, and then started visiting with the teachers. I realized then that she was not paying a darn ounce of attention to me, so just as I was taught on SuperNanny, I knelt down to her level and calmy asked her to put away the markers.

She still thought my request meant nothing, and continued ignoring me. Okay, I thought, we'll do the count-to-3-trick. Still nothing. Finally, I took the markers out of her hand, replaced the caps and picked up her paper. In return I received a few hits to the face, kicks to the body, tearing of the paper and screaming at the top of the lungs.

Seriously? At this point, it wasn't only the other 3- and 4-year olds who were staring, it was the teachers, the parents, and the daycare director. Yep. I was doing awesome.

I picked up the little brat and carried her to her locker (heaven for bid it be outside the classroom!) I didn't look up, but I'm sure they were still staring. Alayna was now ripping her bag out of my hands, hitting her locker and bawling. You'd seriously have thought I was trying to kidnap her.

Somehow I saved her eyeglasses from being torn off her face and grabbed my keys, her ruffled papers, folder and opened backpack in one arm, had the 42-pounder under the other, pushed the classroom door opened and escaped into the hallway. Whew! There was a chair, and she was going to time out.

Nice try Super-Mom. All she had to do was get up. And just as any SuperNanny would teach, I picked her up, placed her right back in the chair and turned my back to eliminate any attention. Okay, so repeat 2-3-5 times, and what do you get? You guessed it! The daycare director intervention!

Sure enough Gina came out, sat down by Alayna and said, "You're mommy is going to go get your brother now. You can stay with me and talk about why you are mad. She'll come back for you." And with that, my control was gone. I was walking away, letting someone (much wiser and calmer than I) take care of her.

After getting Cade (who, may I add, is so easy!?!?!) we returned to the hall where Alayna's chaos had come to a halt. She had the attention of two teachers now, and as we approached her they enforced the need to tell mommy sorry. Pouts and all, we left the building and made it to the car. It was all I could do to not rip out the spankings from my pile of never-tried-mommy-techniques. But I didn't.

When we got home, it was a time out and then a removal of all bedtime snuggles -- no more stuffed animals, pillow pets, or build-a-bears for one week. I'll show her yet.