Time Together

Remember when they told you that love-making, romanticism, and butterflies would end after you got married? Remember when you told them they were crazy?

Recall when they told you life was really over after having kids, that there was no way to relive all the fun, spice, and excitement in bed that you had early on? Remember then wondering if they might be right... even just a little.

After being together for 12 years, married for 8, I've experienced the emotional, sexual, and romantic fears that come with being married, starting careers, bearing children, becoming parents, and wishing you had time alone more frequently. I've also had the opportunity to mature in my way of thinking about love.

It was about a year ago, when a friend introduced me to the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, that I started to be intriqued by this idea. (She actually co-wrote her experience with her husband in a recent post on the Quad City Moms Blog -- which is super cool!)

Okay, so yes, I understood that love comes in other ways beyond the bedroom, but I hadn't realized that love can be felt and expressed just as strongly through these other languages. The truth is that everyone speaks a love language, and once you decipher what that is, it's really easy to feel less attention-deprived and more loved every day.

So, on my journey through this book, I learned that my #1 love language is clearly Quality Time. I want nothing more than to have time with my loved ones that is focused, where conversation is strong, smiles connect us, and emotions are felt by the experience of just being together. Let me share my examples:

• One of my favorite memories as a child was when my dad would take my sister and I out to the airport to watch planes come in. We were not distracted by TV, video games, or interruptions. Our conversations were focused on the same thing, at the same time. And not one of us had a passion for flight.
• My husband's proposal to me was perfect because we were sitting alone on a dock, staring at the stars, and reminiscing about the days when we started dating. We aren't astrologists by any means, and we don't understand constellations. But it was just us, hearing each other out.
• A recent family day trip gave us exactly what I was craving. We piled the kids into the minivan and headed for NE Iowa, where the leaves are a perfect crisp orange and burnt red in early October. The hills roll for miles and it's awesome to watch the reflection of them on the river. And as we entered this area of the state, we ooh'd and aah'd together, snapped photos, toured Spook Cave, and ate at the unforgettable Pete's Hamburgers in Prairie du Chien.
• The holidays are a some of my favorite times each year because we all have a break from school, work, routine, and chaos. We have time for home cooking, movies and popcorn, game nights, and snuggling.

Now, don't let me fool you, Physical Touch is still my love-language-runner-up, but you may not have suspected that Receiving Gifts scores zero points in my book!

Find out how you feel love by taking the online quiz!