Remember back to that college spring break trip. You headed out on the road with a few of your besties, looking to have the week of your life, ready to be who you wanted and do what you wished. You were free in a sense. And you lived it up! You explored, you partied, you rested, and you met so many new friends. You stayed up late and talked about everything you knew at that point. Then the week wrapped up and you said good-bye to those you met, you shared a hug, said good-luck, and piled back into your parents borrowed vehicle to return home.
Now fast forward to days when you are more mature, your "trip on the road" becomes travel around the world, and your "besties" are now your family members. The "week" is really a couple years, and quite possibly extended beyond that. And the "feeling of being free" still holds true. Your "new friends" are much stronger relationships, and your "late night conversations" are really dinners and morning coffee about company politics, cultural differences, and raising your children internationally.
You're an expat.
And then it happens. The "week" ends for some. But you've just arrived.
In the last month, we encountered our first round of repatriation. A few of our friends, who just became our friends, are now gone. Leaving the school, no longer at morning coffee, not a part of the football team any longer, not around at lunch or playgroup. Just gone.
I had read about this occurring, but in my mind I thought it would all just happen coincidentally. We would all move to Shanghai at the same time. We would all go home to visit at the same time. We would all return from holiday at the same time. We would all repatriate at the same time. But, as expat living goes... it doesn't happen that way. We are all on different schedules and calendars. We are all experiencing this life, but at different intervals, different levels of intensity, different waves. We are a group of expats who quickly become close friends, to suddenly watch each other walk away.
Yes, we'll stay connected - thank God for technology and social media - but what a strange feeling of connectedness. To come here, to this place on the other side of the globe. To not know a soul. And then to meet these people whose family is just like yours. To get to know them, and where they are from, and what they do, and what they enjoy. To spend your days with them because they are all you have. And then just like that, within a few short months, you disconnect.
And it's bittersweet, you know. You are saddened to say good-bye to the friends you've met, but you are so exited for them to return to normalcy in the US. You hurry to try to learn all the regrets they had in order to avoid the same mistakes... but you truly just wish they could stay to experience the craziness with you. You are in a sense jealous that they get to "go home," but then you realize that you are just starting this adventure of a lifetime and secretly aren't really ready to return home. You talk up the family time that they will get with grandparents, the good food they will eat without paying imported prices, the space they will enjoy within their neighborhoods, and the clean air and facilities they will encounter on a regular basis.... and then you become grateful for the diversity and inclusion that is seen, the travel spots that are unlimited, and the knowledge that is yet to be gained by staying in Shanghai. It's emotional confusion to send off your friends to their home country.
Becoming an expat was a long, difficult decision for us as parents. One that I'm not even sure we rightfully weighed all the pros and cons. (Although with no one telling us what to do and how to go about making the decision, I feel we did a damn good job figuring it all out!) However, never did I realize the skill set that my children would endure in making and ending relationships. It's about creating, embracing, and letting go -- the circle of life of a healthy relationship. Who knew that repatriation would be our foundation for that lesson?
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