Finding What It Takes

I caught up with my very best college friend last night and, as usual, our conversation quickly turned to the little ones. While she is ready to pop with her third baby, I'm dreaming about a third. But first I understand that we have a priority to get moved to Cedar Rapids and settled in a new home, new school district, and new job.

Yep, that was my big announcement. We're finally moving home!

[So, back to the conversation...] We spent an hour and a half talking about what our 2, 3, and 4 year olds were into and upto that was funny, intriguing, nerve-wracking, and significant. We tackled the purpose of giving discipline and teaching them values. We confirmed that it was okay to build white-lies for their good, and make up the dreamer-fairy so they'd fall fast asleep when we asked.

Oh, how beautiful it'd be to stay home with my littlest people and live through their smiles every day.

Really, though? How do you do that and remain a professional? So, we talked about tackling a career search. To start over. To find something meaningful. To apply a well-earned and time-consuming master's degree. To build time and rapport. To take leave. To keep your professional status. To grow... at work and at home.

My goal is just to find balance being the perfect mom to my babies, the most supportive wife to my hard-working husband, and yet be a dedicated employee who believes in the organization mission.

Oh, and then there is someone called 'me' that I need to consider too.

That's a lot. No wonder why my head spins in a million directions when we have the moving discussion. I'm driven though. I can do it! I can be who I want to be and who I need to be at the same time. I just need to find what it takes. I need to be critical when looking for a new career. I need to fight for myself for once, and give credit where it's due. The job must challenge me and lift me up. It must strengthen me as a professional and supplement me as a mother. It needs to agree with my morals and dreams. And God-forbid, let's hope that it's flexible!

Can't I just blog for a living?

Lenten Vows

It's that time of year where we all think of something extremely daring and brave to "give up" or "consume less of". It's a challenge for me every year, just like a New Year's Resolution is. What should I identify as my biggest weakness? What do I do that is unhealthy for me? What are my personal goals in the next year? What could I do better at? In the past I've given up hitting the snooze button, exercising more, removing soda from my diet, being negative, and all other traditional ideas. This year, I hear the fad is to give up social networking... (wow, how times have changed!)

I decided to go with something very therapuetic to me... SHOPPING!

I quickly learned though, that doesn't mean grocery shopping, necessity shopping, or birthday shopping. But, instead I'm eliminating the days where I waste time browsing shelves, looking for something to splurge money on. My kids' closets are stocked and so is mine. My home isn't missing any necessary vase or wall art. My husband loves me with what I already own. Toys are overflowing our rooms, as it is. You wouldn't believe how this commitment has already made me realize two things: 1.) there is no reason to buy it, even if it is on sale, and 2.) I get a lot of coupons via email and text messaging! Now, I just hit delete when the notification arrives in my inbox.

And yet, there is another way to contribute to Lenten traditions... by "giving back". If you haven't made your vow yet, I have an idea for you. I won't encourage you to quit shopping, quit tweeting, or start exercising. Instead, consider donating to a great cause.

My three cousins lost their mother in 2008. She was only 48, and had fought the MS battle for 20 years. She was a fighter! And now, those girls formed a team in her honor: Felicia's Fighters. I'm walking with them, and hoping to raise some money for their cause. I encourage you to help me out. All you have to do is click on the banner below and find even $5.00 in your pocket to contribute.

I thank you in advance. Truly.

It's not over...

Saturday night Caden was off to a fun-filled night at the hockey game with his little friend, Hunter. What a perfect opportunity to spoil Alayna with a little time just for her. Of course, her first request was Dairy Queen! But, she couldn't decide between her dilly bar or daddy's cone!

Unfortunately within just an hour, she exploded into hives. Poor little girl was screaming from a sore belly, suffering from a brisk cough, and scrapping her skin off with her finger nails.

Hopefully there is still time to grow out of this peanut allergy.

Cherish the Days

Each semester, I sit on a panel in a Women and Aging course at St. Ambrose for psychology and women's studies students, to share stories about pregnancy, childbirth and labor experiences. It's always such neat recollection of the magical moments that brought Caden and Alayna into this world.

This panel reminds me that everything I once hated... maternity clothes, Taco Bell cravings, varicose veins, and the slight nausea, turns into such minimal issues after you watch your child take their first breath, mimic their first word, attempt their first step, or run off to their first day of school. It also reminds me though, of the fantastically funny moments that I shared with my husband... peeing my pants in Target, my water breaking in bed, asking why I needed to call a crotch doctor for my eye problem when I got tunnel vision, the manual breast pump experiences, and the poop-shooting of our first born.

In the end, my goal of participating in the panel was to instill in these students (and any others interested in childbearing) that no matter how awful the experience sounds, there is nothing more beautiful than pregnancy and child-birth; it's truly one of the most amazing and miraculous events in human nature. One of my co-panelists left the group of students with a statement that I thought was very thought provoking:

"Just when you think the days are so long, the years are so short." 

• Ten years ago, I was studying hard, partying often, and spending free-spirited time with my crush.
• Nine years ago, I was graduating from college and trying to plan a successful future.
• Eight years ago, I took a leap of faith and moved to Minneapolis with my boyfriend.
• Seven years ago, I married the most supportive friend in my world, and the only one who can truly give me a reality check.
• Six years ago, I was blessed with the conception of my first child.
• Five years ago, I was praying to God that our six-week-premature son would be okay.
• Four years ago, I gave up the idea of living in the big city, and decided I'd rather be closer to family.
• Three years ago, a princess entered my life, and I have loved watching myself within her.
• Two years ago, I watched a really special interaction develop between my two babies.
• One year ago, my oldest started preschool and fell in love with learning.
• One month ago, I reprimanded my daughter for talking back.
• Last week, I screamed at my children for screaming at each other.
• This week, I had a very intimate and loving conversation with my husband which brought us full circle.
• Yesterday, I laughed with my son for giggling about boogers.
• Today, I'm thankful for my moments with those I love.
• Tomorrow, I'll be looking back and hoping I did it all the right way.