My first experience was 9 years ago. For the most part, everyone was right. I spent a lot of time that year by myself, feeling bad for me, lonely, bored, and tired of not seeing my husband. I was newly married and didn't live up the romanticism that was supposed to come after a honeymoon. Instead, I would often go to bed by myself and rustle in the covers until he got home ... which typically didn't happend until well after 1 or 2 in the morning.
Then we started a family, and I had my hands full with a young infant, and then two. But he was still working frequently, and often into the nights and weekends. I became a single mom. Well, that was my own perception. I was choosing careers for myself that didn't provide a challenge, but offered flexibility for the kids. I was walking around in pity for myself.
After about three years of this, someone shared the following statement with me:
"never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life"
I took that and ran with it. Literally, I had such faith in this quote that I had it made into a decal for the wall at the bottom of my staircase. Here, my husband could see it every morning as he walked out of the house. It was a reminder for him, and I, that there were other things more important than one's work.
Somewhere between 2007 and now, I've shifted my thoughts. It's not about me. And frankly, it's not about the kids. They are adaptable to change. This pattern of work hours is normal to them. And, let's face it, they remain safe and loved by me (or whoever it is that may need to pick them up from school in a pinch).
It's really about my husband. It's about the effort that he puts forth to be great at his job. It's the example that he is setting about what it means to be a professional and work for what you want. It's about his love for his career and passion for what he does. It's about the sacrifices that are made to support those you love. It's about his lack of time with the kids (and me) because of all this, and his disappointment when he can't get home in time to tuck them in or kiss me goodnight.
And while I still believe in the value of making a life for yourself, sometimes a life includes a career, a passion, and balance. Balance that my husband has found for him and us. After nearly 10 years of experience in this whirlwind of travel, long hours and juggling of schedules, we've accomplished yet another busy season. And they get easier each year. I contribute that to finally understanding how important this is to him and our family, how proud I am to see him succeed, and how appreciative we are for all that he gives up for us.
Think about what making a life means to you; accept that everyone's definitions are different; and decide whether you accomplishing that.
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