#imagineconcordia

Last fall, when we were deciding whether or not to begin this endeavor, many family, friends and colleagues tried convincing me that we'd be providing our children with this [insert oober-dramatic-emphasized voice here] amazing opportunity by bringing them to China. I understood that ... to an extent. I knew that there would be a new culture, a new language, new people, a new perspective. But after just being in Shanghai for one month, and after digging through all the muck and crap that we have dealt with, I can see the benefits far outweigh the setbacks. One of the pieces of our life that will be forever changed after having this experience is education.

I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am about the kids' school. I whole-heartedly believe that we hand-picked the #1 international school in the world. At first glance, we saw test scores, standards and curriculum and thought, "hey, this will be a good fit." And now, I'm diving into some of the best parts of the school. There is a community here that I never could have created in my wildest dreams. Each day after school kids and parents gather on the playground to socialize, share experiences and stories, swap recommendations and tackle the "slushie place" together for a cold treat. I've also attended new parent meetings, elementary school parent meetings, back to school meetings and more.

Yesterday I participated in the best meeting yet. It was a general parent support organization (PSO) meeting to kick off the year. I was so moved that by the end I signed up to be room parents for both Cade and Layna's classrooms! I figured, hell, if I screw up too bad, I can always just blame it on being the newbie, right? :)

Anyway, the head of school said a few words at this meeting, and then he shared a story about how things work at Concordia. He said, "it's not about numbers, it's about stories." To prove that, he explained that at the beginning of the year they randomly divide all the 1300 student names amongst the school staff (giving each staff person roughly 9 names). Then at each meeting throughout the year, they go around the room and each staff person reads one name aloud from their list. As a group they then ask for God's prayers for that one child.

Can you imagine hearing that power? Those children's names read one after another around the room, as they jointly ask for a blessing? How fascinating!

It doesn't stop there.

The community of parents, staff, teachers, and volunteers help you find the best place to buy meat and produce (an enormous feat here in Shanghai!), how to get a cell phone (more to come on my experience soon!), and even where to get your hair did. They understand that if those necessities don't come easy, your whole day week can be thrown for a loop. And the teachers and administrators want you there all day, every day. They beg for parent involvement and then thank you endlessly for supporting their children.

Isn't that what I should be saying to them?


This school puts on pep rally's and cheers on their volleyball teams every Friday night with popcorn and hotdogs. They send communication from the head of school every other week to let you know what they are doing in classes. The teachers update their websites and send electronic newsletters weekly with pictures of our own children laughing and learning around their desks, and with their new friends. They truly believe and instill that "we are a small community of 24 million."

During the first week, I received personal notes from each teacher letting me know how the kids were doing since they were new. All the things I worried about as a parent were put to rest without asking. Alayna's teacher from South Africa wrote: "This week has been filled with laughter and sparkling eyes as we have spent time getting to know each other. Our classroom has been a hive of activity and I have had the amazing privilege of spending time with your child."

To some, this may be fluff, but for me, it means a lot to see the time and energy spent on saying just the right thing to feel comforted. Let me tell you, Concordia rocks!! And on top of how awesome this community of school friends is, the babes are even kicking butt in math, reading, Mandarin, and religion during the day, as well as co-curricular activities at night.

 We are busy here in Shanghai, and that's a good thing, because we miss y'all!

Learning the Perks

Remember the jokes that started with: "how many blondes does it take to...." Well, I feel as though I'm cracking a new line of riddles here in Shanghai. They should start with: "In China, how many American's does it take to...." and then fill in the blank with...
- purchase a phone
- get to the market
- turn the channel on the TV
- find bedding
- replace a light bulb
and on, and on, and on...

Many people told me we should go on the show House Hunters International, but I think a better one for me is Candid Camera. I feel like an idiot here!!!

Wednesday I attended a new parent coffee meeting at the kids' school. Talk about informative!

Who knew that you should not buy meat at the market we've been visiting? Or that all vegetables and fruits needed to be scrubbed with a pesticide spray, not just run under filtered water? Or that at the market there are Chinese prices and Western prices -- I'll let you guess which is more. Or that spending 3 hours or more grocery shopping is totally the norm?

Who knew that you employ a driver, not only for a personal taxi, but to pay your bills, fix your shoes, repair the Wii that we blew up when we first plugged it in, take care of dry cleaning, or have furniture made by his local friends for way cheap? Or that your Ayi is the one who can wait at the house all day for a grocery (or phone) delivery, while you enjoy the city?

I need to come to grips with this culture!!

In the meantime, we've called the engineer to replace lightbulbs. [Shut up. I know it sounds ridiculous!] I've ordered a phone on Amazon for Cash on Delivery, and waited for like 5 complete days for it to arrive because my address wasn't entered in Chinese. I've wandered pharmacies for a whole morning looking for medicine for my sick children, when my Ayi completed the task in the blink of an eye and then handed me the receipt for reimbursement.

Well, I got this now!

From here out, I'm attending classes, going on tours, and meeting up with friends... because let me tell you, when diapers and dinner can be delivered to your door on the same day, for free, why wouldn't I?

Our First Day of School

Now that I have VPN, I've been scrolling through social media and seeing everyone's adorable chalkboard signs on the first day of school. Beautiful, colorful bubble letters explaining the grade, the child's admirations, and of course what they want to be when they grow up.

Us, here in Shanghai... we don't quite roll like that. (Not to discount the big shout out deserved by all the kick ass mom's who have their stuff together.)

Wednesday marked our first day of school for the kiddos. Oh, the many "first" experiences that we have coming! Beginning at an international school, meeting their teachers from England and South Africa -- how fascinating is that!?!?, wearing uniforms, and boarding a small charter bus to transport them. The kids were overwhelmed with excitement!

 

They tucked in early Tuesday evening, and I wished I would have gone to bed with them. I dilly-dallied around on this computer (because HELLO!! that's when all my American friends are active!) and finally settled in around 11:30. Jarin was still traveling, and then the remainder of my night went as such:

1 a.m. Paisley awakes. I try to get her back down, but good luck. 
1:34 a.m. I'm putting her to bed, and don't care how long she "cries-it-out."
1:37 a.m. I can't handle it anymore. I go get her and bring her to my bed.
1:55 a.m. She is so restless, and has been crawling all over my head. BTW, Alayna had asked to sleep with me since Jarin was out of town, so now I'm afraid she is going to be waken too.
2:10 a.m. P drinks a full glass of water, lets out two huge, manly farts, and says "yeah" when I ask if she's ready for bed.
2:22 a.m. She is still crying
2:24 a.m. I get back up and we take in the view from the living room... and also spy a little into all the other windows with lights on.
2:30 a.m. I take her back to my room. Bad idea. She now has Alayna up, giving her kisses.
2:47 a.m. We go to Paisley's room, I rock her and rub her back until she breaks down and falls asleep.
3:03 a.m. Finally. My turn to sleep.
3:34 a.m. Alayna awakes to tell me her tummy hurts. I sit in the bathroom with her while she explodes.

Oh my God, I can't handle the smell.

3:45 a.m. She is ready to go back to bed, but not sure if she might puke. I go get a bowl to keep next to her in bed. Oh yeah, we don't have any bowls. So I bring the largest soup kettle I can find and place it on her pillow.
4:34 a.m. I wake to hear her vomitting beside me.

Okay. Now this is the worst smell ever.

5:07 a.m. The rally is finally over and I clean everything up and try to go back to bed, knowing that my alarm is set for less than 40 min from now.
6:20 a.m. I finally roll out of bed and get Cade up for school. I inform him that Alayna has been sick and won't be going to school. He breaks down because he doesn't want to ride the bus alone.
6:32 a.m. We check on Alayna. She is fine and cheery! She puts on her uniform, takes a swig from her water bottle and pukes everywhere.

Great.

Of course, P is still sleeping because she partied last night. Aly is puking, Cade still needs breakfast and walked down to the bus stop in less than 20 min. But he's upset. This is when super-mom-powers kick in and before long, I have this handsome boy all ready to board his bus... in the rain!

Sidenote: I'm sitting here typing this blog entry and I just heard an awful-vomit-like sound. I jumped from the office to uncover which child is spewing all over this time. After seeing three peaceful babies asleep in their beds, I realize that the bacon was ready to be collected on Cade's Hay Day game.
 
Seriously, this is my life.

So, we begin with Day 2, which is really Day 1 for Alayna.

Jarin is home now, but we are all exhausted from travel and being up all night. We sleep through the alarm, and wake 6 minutes before the bus is departing. Frantically, Jarin gets the kids dressed, I call the bus monitor, we meet at the second stop, and the kids get yelled at for being late. They now think that "Chinese people get mad easily."

I truly can't imagine trying to get a photo with the kids posed next to their personalized chalkboard sign. Shoot. I just want a photo of them going to school together!

And so, we pretend... even though it's the start of day 5... how cute are these 1st and 3rd graders?

 

The Good, Bad and Ugly

In Shanghai, it might be better said as: the fascinating, the frightening, and the frustrating. Seriously, after two weeks here, I'm not sure there is another city in this world as complex with culture and systems quite like this one. We've seen every walk of life, every kind of food, a variety of transportation, a lack of rules and standards, some of the most amazing architechture, and the biggest slums. We've been taken back by beauty and by rudeness, and for the first time in my life, I've shoved people aside who stared at my children. I've had long talks with people I've never met before, shared stories, frustrations, and (believe-it-or-not) things I knew that someone else didn't. I feel like I've been here forever, while also feeling like I just stepped foot off the airplane.

Backing up....
The trip here was utterly miserable. We boarded the plane to find no outlets, USB or personal TV's. With 14 hours ahead of us, I thought for sure we were doomed because my plans for the older two had just backfired. But, to my surprise, it was the baby who didn't sleep, nor sit in her own chair, for the entire flight around the world. Even when waking her at 3 a.m. for take off, she still stayed up, kicking the chair in front of her, running the aisles, rolling on the back galley floor (trust me, I just puked in my mouth too), and annoying the hundred's of others on the plane who wanted shut-eye. So I held her, because of course at 16 months, she clearly let's us know that no one else can set finger on her -- even daddy. Cade and Layna, however, thought the flight to be amazing. They watched out the window for quite some time, and continued guessing what part of the world we were hovering at any given time.

Upon arriving here on August 4th, the apartment that Jarin had picked out was unveiled. In my crabby, cranky self, I told him I was disappointed. It wasn't clean, stunk like mold, had broken appliances and lights everywhere, and obviously held zilch of our personal belongings. We unpacked the 8 suitcases...which, did I mentioned cost us $1100 EXTRA? With no hangers, bedding, pillows, phone, dishes or food I felt a little lost. I didn't even know where to go to get this stuff! Nor, how to talk to the taxi driver to get me there!

I was stuck. In an apartment that I hated.

The next two days were still tricky. The hubs helped with getting a phone lined up, he provided me access to VPN so that I could Facebook and blog (thank God!), and then he was off on business for two days. It was funny listening to the kids who said, "how are we going to get anywhere because only daddy knows where to go." Yeah, yeah -- shut it. I can do this too, I thought. Well, that turned into a few consecutive days at the pool, because we figured out the clubhouse pretty quick :)

After that though, first thing was first. My fabulous BOB jogger was not going to cut it on these narrow sidewalks lined with 23 million people. No way. No how. Against the liking of my bean-counting husband, that meant a new, compact, light-weight $200 stroller. And, of course, that trip led to a few other purchases at this mega-amazing 6-story Super Brand Mall which just happens to be a couple miles from my home.

I also attempted IKEA in week #1, which was probably the most frightening experience of my life. I was in dire need of a bed for the baby, who had been co-sleeping with us for way too long in my book, and as I exited with a cart full of necessities (wine glasses, pillows, and bath towels) it was pouring. And just like the next 14 times it rained here, I didn't have an umbrella. I took my first cab that I found, which could have easily had rats running the floor boards. Black curtains covered the back windows, and at every stop the cabby pulled the emergency break and turned off the car. I seriously thought I was going to die. He scammed me for all I had, and drove so far around the city to take me home that I paid more than double my trip there. All the while I was texting Jarin with updates, and watching my phone battery quickly dwindle to 6%. I had never been so happy to see this apartment complex.

Exactly one week after our arrival here, we had visitors! And WOW! what a blessing. We toured on buses and cruises, went up in the Pearl Tower, ate at some amazing restaurants (and tried McDonalds), bardered with the best at the fake markets, and ultimately experienced Shanghai in 5 days. These dear Minnesota friends of ours also allowed for me to spend 2 hours purchasing one set of sheets, because God-forbid I be able to speak a lick of Mandrin. Before saying farewell, us lovebirds snuck out for a quick date night at a fab Thai restaurant right next to the Louis Vuitton.  Of course, I had to stop in to check out the purse I dreamed about .... only 35000 RMB! No worries, our high-class cabbie dropped us off right in front of the Bentley.

In the last week, we also interviewed and hired our ayi, Xiao Fang, who started helping at the house on Monday. She is amazing and so in love with the kids. She speaks very good English, and is even teaching us some Mandrin. She has allowed me to fall in love with this apartment afterall. It's crazy how nice it is when it's clean! I also lost my brand new iPhone, which has been hell on wheels to track among the streets of Shanghai. I've given up on that idea now, and am just buying a new one, which she is helping me to do.

It's been two days since our visitors left, and the kids have had school orientation and are ready for their first day tomorrow. Jarin is now in Hong Kong to finally pick up our residence visa. It's all coming together so well, and I couldn't be happier. Yes, things are challenging, but we have to laugh at how ass-backwards it is here. I know that it's worth it though when I compare these feelings with the utter stress and annoyance I felt living apart. And then I see the kids' faces. They are lighting up here. They love their teachers, are eager to sign up for co-curriculars, have begun introducing themselves by their first name and homeland, and are begging for the ayi to babysit them. I know this isn't the life many would chose, but for us, it's going to be a good one.

The Lake Life

For the last 12 years we've made the summer trip to South Dakota to visit Jarin's family. His grandfather owns a cabin where they all grew up playing, running, and swimming. Not many years have we missed other than maybe to have a baby, but this summer I didn't see any possibility in us going. With Jarin in Shanghai, us in the midst of a move around the world, a one-year-old who does not sit still, and a 9 hour drive in front of me-- no way! But, just like their dad begged his mom, the kids poked and pried at me until convincing me to make the journey. So, off we went in our rented minivan!

We made a few stops along the way, and I must say that whoever thought to put playgrounds at rest stops, is a genius!

We arrived and without a second wasted Cade had trunks on and was jumping off the dock! They spent the next 4 days playing so hard, riding Big Mable, trying out the jet ski, hanging with cousins, spending time with great-grandpa Ron, baking with Nana, getting competitive with marbles, and swimming in the lake.

 

As you can imagine, daddy was heartbroken that he couldn't be there, but I made sure to capture this sweet photo of great-grandpa and Cade talking to Jarin on Skype one evening. It was really neat to see Grandpa's eyes light up!

 

We had a wonderful week, filled with great memories, and surely a trip we'll never regret making. We look forward to summer 2016 when we can return to Pickerel! All our love Brandly family!

Come to Me

I have faith. A lot of faith. And I rely steeply on the path set in front of me by God. Even though it wasn't until Jarin and I married that I really spent the time to build that understanding, it has recently helped me believe that this transition around the world is a big part of what He hopes for our family.

A week ago, as I sat through the weekly gospel and homily, I looked at our three children and they too were intently listening. To kick it off, the deacon said, "come to me," and in response, Caden and Alayna both loudly repeated it. He went on to explain that saying these three words can ease so much tension when dealing with stress. Stress of a job, from other people, stress to prove who you are or even be who you want. During those minutes of him speaking to us, I made a very meaningful connection.

"Come to me" was exactly the line I'd been in search of. For over four months I have walked the walk, jumped the hoops, and been spread thin to be a single, stay-at-home mom. As if one of those jobs wasn't hard enough, I took on two at the same time. Without a doubt, I know I'm fortunate to be home with the kids. But in this case, there are days that I admittedly am not "home" with them.

Instead, I am moving household goods, cancelling utilities, arranging international moving companies, selling unwanted items, organizing closets, keeping the house picked up, streamlining our banking, discovering necessities to bring along, shopping for those necessities, completing home projects, painting walls, making doctors appointments and researching vaccinations. To add to the list of to-do's, we have encountered every dilemma possible in getting over to China. From building an entire entity to acquiring the appropriate visas, this has been a demanding process. And more than anything else, patience has been required.

I'm not good at that.

Honestly. I suck.

So, as I sat among the congregation, my eyes swelled with tears, and I realized that I needed to ask for help. Not the help from someone to watch my babies. Not the help of physically moving items, or fixing something in the house. I needed help. Support. Guidance. Direction. I needed to be relieved of the stress and pressure that was surrounding me.

Yes, I still cry because I'm overwhelmed. I get sad to say good-bye to our family and friends. But no matter where I am, I can always say, "come to me," and He will always respond.

Amsterdam!

We met through mutual friends who, to this day, remain an important piece of who we are. We dated for four years, committed to a lifetime together before God, and this year came upon 10 years of marriage. This vow has blessed us with three beautifully healthy children, a fantastic career path, and the beginning of an international opportunity of a lifetime. I'd say this called for a celebration! 

And that we did. Our flights brought us from two different sides of the globe, and Amsterdam brought us time together.

For a week we relaxed on a quaint boathouse, cheers'd at every pint of beer, and devoured Dutch apple pie. We kissed at the train stop, indulged in 5 mile runs through the park, and took a candlelight canal ride. We walked the beach, laughed hysterically, had deep conversations, and sat quietly with a glass of wine. We were amazed together at Anne Frank, Van Gogh, Heineken, and the red light district. We stopped keeping time, we slept in, and had dinner at 10 p.m. because the sun was still up. It was magical, it was perfect and beautiful, and it was so much deserved after living apart for more than 3 months.

All the while life went on at home. The kids finished their last week of school and said goodbye to the teachers, families and friends that we've connected with over the past three years. A childhood friend of mine passed on to the heavens, and our baby girl was sick yet again. Thank you to our amazing parents who handled it all, made life normal for the kids, and kept encouraging us to make memories. We did and it was a week to never forget.

The need to be strong and attentive

If you are at all tuned into social media, you've most likely seen the posts everyone is talking about of the family who helped their transgender child become himself. I finally watched the video on YouTube, and wow. I was amazed. Amazed that a child, any child, or children in general can have such deep, meaningful, and real instincts so early on. I was intrigued that this child was in tuned enough to ask the right questions and share his feelings, anxieties, and fears. And I was overwhelmed by the strength of the parents. I sat for a long time wondering what I would do in that situation. While I'm sure that those parents debated that same question, I would always fear that either way, I'd be making the wrong decision for my child.

I spent a day or more reflecting on the video, the captions, and the pictures, and while I've read the negative comments and bashing happening from people across the world, who have absolutely no understanding, no connection, and no heart, I have to praise this couple for helping their son find himself. In the smile alone, you can see a difference.

I wondered in those moments of playing and replaying the video... do I have the strength to be that kind of parent? Do I allow the kids to be who they want to be? (And I don't mean from a gender perspective, I am talking in general.) Is my guidance too strong, or do I allow enough independence to help them make smart, safe decisions independently? Am I that attentive to my children's voice on a daily basis, or over the course of a year to truly hear when something is that uncomfortable?

With so many disturbing actions happening across our country, it's time that we become strong and attentive. Our kids need us, they need the guidance and support and love and belief that no matter who they are, it's okay. We live in a society that must become more welcome to various people, culture, experiences, lifestyles, and interests. It's not as clear as it ever used to be, and that's okay because it makes us each that much more unique, interesting and special. For Ryland, and the many children across the globe who are searching for who they are and where they belong.... speak out. Speak out to someone until they listen. You are a blessing to our community, and we can't afford to lose you.

8 Years Old and Growing Up

Somewhere, somehow, 8 years has passed since our 5lb, 6-week preemie surprised us with his arrival. He's at that stage now which is the perfect balance of still wanting to snuggle in at night and give kisses and hugs before school, but just old enough that his friends are becoming a very important staple in his day, fashion is top of mind, and he's even spoken of a "girlfriend" (although she doesn't know!) This week, it was clear... he's getting bigger, he's growing up, and oh-my-goodness there are definitely some things that I need to be more prepared for.

It all started when he needed the nut cup last weekend. With dad gone for a short time, I talked the neighbor into taking his boy and Cade on a field trip. Off to Dick's they went (no pun intended) and home he came with compression shorts and nut cup insert. He was so bashful about it, that it was precious. He asked me to wash the shorts and have them ready for the game tonight. Sure, I can do that. Well, I can, but then I wasn't sure how to put it all back together. I tried hard to ensure I was doing it right, like any champ-of-a-mom would.

I inserted the V-shaped nut cup upside down, assuming that the bigger portion would cover the bottom of his [ah-hem] stuff. The poor kid. He stood in the laundry room, wiggling his little butt, and trying to make it comfortable, before asking me if I maybe put it in upside down. Bless his heart. I nearly took a picture of the thing at that point, and emailed Jarin in China for help, but then I was determined. I can do this, I thought. I flipped that sucker around, and reinserted it into the shorts, and ta-da! Comfort!

He ran out the door tonight, with a nut-cup and new glove. And he even tried playing catcher for the first time, just like his daddy did back in the day.

It could be worse.

What a fun week we had with Jarin being home. Him and I had a full week home together each day, which allowed him to complete a little honey-do list, but he also got to be hands-on with a lot of the weekly activities. Cade's 1st Communion was a big celebration, a quick field trip with Alayna's class, lots of snuggle time for Paisley, neighborhood baseball games, 2 touchdowns in flag football, and gymnastics and dance competitions were fit in. The two of us even had an afternoon date to the winery and outlet mall!

After taking this awesome picture of us saying our goodbyes again at the airport on Saturday, Jar departed through the security gates.

We hung on for a while, waiting to make sure he made his way, and then the littlest peanut (who doesn't look so thrilled in the picture above) started wandering around with the "where's dada" shrug. I think it's safe to say that she fell in love this last week. :)

As we walked to the car that afternoon, I had trouble holding it back again. A sweet elderly couple witnessed it, and stopped me, "is he in the military ma'am?" "No," I replied, as I held Paisley a little closer in my arms, hiding my tears behind her. They continued asking questions with the utmost empathy, including how long has he been gone, when will you see him next, how long will this go on for? And then they summarized it.... "but with a family, it doesn't make it any easier, does it?" I grasped a little tighter to Cade and Layna's hands. No, it didn't.

In that moment, I was overwhelmed with the idea of going more than a month again without seeing him in person...thinking through all that he may miss -- school performances, end of school year parties, Cade's birthday, family gatherings and more.

It wasn't until late Saturday night that I truly appreciated the initial question that couple had asked me. We really are so fortunate. I know he's safe, and not physically on a battleground. I know what he's doing each day, and where he is staying. And I know exactly how to reach him whenever the kids want to say hi. So, more than anything, it made me appreciate what our military families go through.

God bless all of the families who put themselves out there every day, to stand up for our freedom, and risk being away from their spouses and children to do it. I'm not sure how you have the courage and selflessness to do such a humble act, but know that we are grateful for it. And I promise never to take for granted the time that we have together, nor will I complain (as much) about the time we are apart.